I wish I could believe you. I wish I didn't have to doubt you. I wish I could just take it all in.
You keep saying it. I keep trying to believe it. But you and I both know its a lie. A lie I can't live with. Why it was them. Why its never me Why you never cared. Why this even matters. Why I do. Why you can never admit to the truth.
And to think that somedays your the only thing keeping me.
I
The me you met is gone. The me I was going for got lost.
What happened was real. I don't regret a thing. I don't say sorry.
I'm not loosing sleep over a thing. If I knew then what I know now I'd only enjoy it. I'd take pleasure in knowing it would all fall apart. That we'd both fail. And that were both going to rot together. But I'm not. I don't care. I used to hate you. I admired you. I considered you to be one of my greatest friends. Even though you weren't. I just wished you were. Another life. And now I laugh inside. To think I was so wrong. But the me that is just isn't happy about it. Something else. I'm not sure yet what I am right now. But the me that was is now gone. Maybe lost. Maybe buried. Maybe he's just asleep. Doesn't matter. What happened doesn't matter either. Or how I got here.
Totally indifferent.
I'll try not to laugh again. No promises though.
What happened was real. I don't regret a thing. I don't say sorry.
I'm not loosing sleep over a thing. If I knew then what I know now I'd only enjoy it. I'd take pleasure in knowing it would all fall apart. That we'd both fail. And that were both going to rot together. But I'm not. I don't care. I used to hate you. I admired you. I considered you to be one of my greatest friends. Even though you weren't. I just wished you were. Another life. And now I laugh inside. To think I was so wrong. But the me that is just isn't happy about it. Something else. I'm not sure yet what I am right now. But the me that was is now gone. Maybe lost. Maybe buried. Maybe he's just asleep. Doesn't matter. What happened doesn't matter either. Or how I got here.
Totally indifferent.
I'll try not to laugh again. No promises though.
-45
It feels like there's so much to write today. There has been for days. Words are shit. Writing is too. Who am I writing to? Is it for me? There's no one to read. Sure as hell no one to listen. It's all shit.
-46
Everything is going good. I guess I'm not used to it. There doesn't seem to be much to write about anymore. I want to say it's a good thing too but I'm not sure. I'm going to visit my blog regularly regardless to see if you write.
guess this means I'm officially on hiatus.
Break or not I'm still going to keep reading.
Whereever you are and whatever you're doing I hope your happy. I love you.
guess this means I'm officially on hiatus.
Break or not I'm still going to keep reading.
Whereever you are and whatever you're doing I hope your happy. I love you.
-47
I'm so proud of you. It was always you. It's a big step. But you have me at your side. You have my deepest and most sincere respect. I wish you the best. Congratulations.
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