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3  years ago I fell in love with someone.  2 years ago she broke my heart.  The 1st year I was sad.  The 2nd year I was angry.  And now so close to almost starting the 4th year since I met her I feel nothing. 
I used to hate that I loved her.  She had this way of telling me I wasn't good enough that really hurt.   A kind of control I guess.  I wanted so badly to be good enough.  To make her happy.   And it sucked. I was never enough.  I was at times her best friend.  But even that wasn't good enough.  Nothing was.
Earlier this year I spoke with you.  We talked about a lot of things.  And like all the things you say it all kind of stayed with me. One thing we did talk about had a profound effect on me.  When we talked about self control.
And so I spent the last year trying so hard to achieve that.

So after going over all of it in my head.  Over and over again.  I learned that there is no control over others. That you can only control what you are willing to control including yourself.  You cannot control what you feel you can only control what you DO as a result of that feeling.  It's possible to let go of everyone.  You simply have to be willing to do it. I I also learned that truth is not dependent on whether we believe in it or not it is and will continue to be.  In order to see it we must be willing to see what we do not want to. We must be willing to let go ourselves.

One thing you did say that was very important to me was when you said that it was possible to let go of everything.  That all I had to do was be willing to make sacrifices.  What did you mean by sacrifices?  Sacrifice myself?  My beliefs?  My own feelings?  To be able to control myself.  I would have to die.  I would have to cut off all my emotions.  I would have to be willing to let go of my fear.  I was afraid of loosing everyone.  I was afraid that they somehow had too much control over me.  That without them that I would loose my identity.
A new fear was born from it.  A fear of the unknown.  Who would I be?  What would I become?  Would I still be me? And without emotions would I even be human?
So I decided that I would have a contingency plan.
I chose 3 people.  3 people I would not let go of. 3 people who could bring me back should I ever loose myself.
Jadine Janette and Izabella.